Well, on my way home I sat and thought about myself. What is the word I would use to describe myself? Disgrace. To put this simply I loathe myself. Now this is not a plea for help. But I have hidden from this for too long.
Now those I am close with tell me I have some redeeming qualities. But in all truth, I am not special. I am not equipped to handle life and prosper on this earth. I have not really achieved much in my short life and I find that life now has become quite meaningless. There is really no reason I get up each day. I have a job, one I really do not exceed at. My co-workers find me annoying, and they are absolutely right. Who am I now, the person typing this completely pointless rant is no longer any good. If I am to be worth anything, I simply must give myself up. Perhaps that is what is expected of me.
I also find this planned life I am on is ridiculous. I am really no good at anything, and I do not have the basic skills to go understand my major. So in reality its going to be paying for the ability to say I am not a total loser. To be able to say I have done something after high school. I should stop looking for love as well, because its not out there. Not for me anyway. Why torture myself with this dreamt-up ideal? I must also stop putting so much faith that everything with be better in college, because it is bullshit. Nothing will be different, and I will continue to just get by unnoticed as I always have.
And to all those who happen to read this, I apologize this wont happen again.
About Me
- Frozen Soda
- I am the guy you see sitting and watching the people go by. I observe.
Something to take the edge off...
I don't care if you rant 500 times a day . . don't keep these feelings in ok? Robert, I'll say it once, you are NOT worthless. And you WILL do something great one day. Maybe not now, but honestly, you're only 17 . . not even an adult and yet you still demand too much of yourself. Yes, you are special and no, I'm not going to give that bs that each and every one of us is special. YOU are special because you are honestly one of a kind. Who else do I know can be such a gentleman and yet you can still have fun with? Who else is not ONLY book smart but street smart as well? Screw your co-workers . . they're probably idiots who do not lead satisfying lives, but they are NOT right. And college will be different because you WILL know what you actually want to major in. I don't know if it will be a better experience than high school, BUT you will know what you want to do when you come out of it. And you'll also find that love someday, honestly, it might just bump into you instead of you trying to find it. Bottom line of this loooong response: YOU are NOT a disgrace . . what's a disgrace is that you think so poorly of yourself when the rest of us care about you so much.
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