Well, on my way home I sat and thought about myself. What is the word I would use to describe myself? Disgrace. To put this simply I loathe myself. Now this is not a plea for help. But I have hidden from this for too long.
Now those I am close with tell me I have some redeeming qualities. But in all truth, I am not special. I am not equipped to handle life and prosper on this earth. I have not really achieved much in my short life and I find that life now has become quite meaningless. There is really no reason I get up each day. I have a job, one I really do not exceed at. My co-workers find me annoying, and they are absolutely right. Who am I now, the person typing this completely pointless rant is no longer any good. If I am to be worth anything, I simply must give myself up. Perhaps that is what is expected of me.
I also find this planned life I am on is ridiculous. I am really no good at anything, and I do not have the basic skills to go understand my major. So in reality its going to be paying for the ability to say I am not a total loser. To be able to say I have done something after high school. I should stop looking for love as well, because its not out there. Not for me anyway. Why torture myself with this dreamt-up ideal? I must also stop putting so much faith that everything with be better in college, because it is bullshit. Nothing will be different, and I will continue to just get by unnoticed as I always have.
And to all those who happen to read this, I apologize this wont happen again.